Transitioning Under the Neon Glow

Tracy Starlight Divulges What It Means to be “Under Construction”

In neon, burning through the darkness of a gallery after hours, the trans pride flag glows in stasis. On its wood mounting, you can read by its light hand-scribbled notes–reminders, complaints, an inventory–of an experience of transition. 

Tracy Starlight chose the name “Tr*nny Under Construction" to 1) make the name only utterable by the artist and other trans people, and 2) to make people uncomfortable. It's a strong pronouncement about an experience that can only be known by being lived. And so here I find myself at a disadvantage in writing about the work. 

As a nonbinary person still haunted by internalized expectations of masculinity I disavow, I latch on to the dynamic between the glowing symbol of trans pride and the scribbled, whispered realities semi-legible behind it. What does it mean to be a trans person “under construction”? The title of the piece hints at a sense of becoming trans, not being. I can imagine a process of legitimization, similar to how I feel like an illegitimate nonbinary person, presenting as “masculine”as I do. Do hormone treatments stack up like points? To what extent is the idea of passing a self-imposed and socially imposed goal? 

Trans women are real women, trans men are real men. At what point do you feel realized (and safe) enough to drop the “trans” in your experience? Or is it an ongoing state of becoming that will define you in perpetuity? 

But this is all in the background. What's in the foreground is the flag, the pride, the compulsion or duty to be unabashedly yourself as if doubt and devaluation weren't just beneath. It's demanded of you to stand tall against a barrage of hatred, even as you're in a state of construction.